After experiencing childhood trauma, struggles with addiction, and feelings of hopelessness, Nicole cried out to God and discovered His love and grace in a transformative way. Through this, not only was Nicole healed, but she became an ambassador for God to her friends and family back home. Truly a testament to how God’s healing power can bring purpose and blessings, no matter your past.
I grew up in a household that seemed somewhat stable. We went to church, and then some heartbreaking things happened that kind of tore our family apart.
Turned out that me and my sister had been sexually abused by a man in our church at the time who was a close friend of ours. And so when that came out, It was really devastating. And yeah, left our family with a lot of hurt and pain and that contributed actually to my parents getting a divorce.
Jumping forward to high school, I was carrying around that pain still and I thought, like, "I've been healed and I'm good now". But it definitely came out in my life, in my relationships and I coped how a teenager may cope and I turned to drinking and getting high and boys just trying to escape the pain any way I could.
As one would imagine, those things didn't answer any of my questions. They didn't solve the pain that I had experienced. And in fact, I experienced more heartache and more suffering by being taken advantage of. I just walked around with a lot of pain and shame and anxiety and that led me into my college years and that pain was still there. And so I just relied on vodka, a big jug of vodka to get me through.
And I remember drunkenly talking with my brother about like, what is the purpose of life? There's no meaning. It's purposeless and empty. And we really were dead set on that. And one night alone in my apartment, I was reflecting on that and I was like, "Yeah, if there is no God, then there is no purpose".
That was my conclusion. And so on the flipside, I was like, "If there is a God he created me, then geez, I hope that means he cares about me". And so out of kind of nowhere, out of maybe desperation and out of some trying to grasp for hope, I called out to God and said, "God, if you're real, if you created me and you care about me, reveal yourself to me".
And the next day the Lord provided. There was a girl who was in my Spanish class, Ali. She was sitting in the hallway reading her Bible, and I was like, I'm taking this as a sign from God. So I approached her and I said, "Are you reading the Bible?" And she's like, "Yeah", I was like, "you don't see that very often".
And so we started talking about the Bible. We started talking about God, purpose, life, church. And I was really transparent with her and she was kind of blown away.
Shortly after that I kind of ghosted her, ghosted her and went back to my hometown and because I was just in a deep wave of depression and so isolated. During that time I was trying to really seek God on my own and it didn't really work.
And she kept reaching out to me. So I finally was like, "You know what? Maybe this is God trying to reach out to me through Ali". And so I responded to her and she invited me to go on a beach trip with her Bible study, and I didn't really know Ali that well.
I didn't know these people in the Bible study, but I was like, "You know what? I'm going to ask God what He thinks". And so I did. And I was like, "God, if you want me to go make that clear". And the next morning I woke up and there was this heavy feeling of like, you need to go and so I was like, "okay, I'm going to go", and I'm glad I did. The Lord wanted me to go because that's actually where I started a personal relationship with God.
I realized I don't know God in a personal way. And one of the girls in the Bible study really took me through what the Bible calls "Good news". And she was like, "This is love that God sent Jesus Christ to live and to die for you to forgive you".
And I was like, blown away. I was like, What? I have never heard that before. That is love. I haven't experienced that type of love in my life. And just hearing it alone, I was like, That is a message of love and healing. I want that. And so, yeah, I prayed right there on the beach that I could have a relationship with God through Jesus. And after that I felt relieved.
I felt like a weight was lifted off of me. After making that decision to start a relationship with God, the Lord has just continued to be faithful to healing me and providing purpose in my life. And I found that genuine healing comes from understanding his love, but also giving out the love that God has given me.
And so, yeah, I was really passionate to share this good news that Jesus died to forgive sins. I was very excited about that. I wanted to share with everyone. So I'm back to my hometown and I share that message with people I used to party with and get drunk with and share with my sister and my sister's friends and my friends.
And I was just I wanted to shout it to everyone like you have to hear this message. It changes you. It brings healing. And I remember going to parties sharing this and people really just like, Who are you? What happened? Like, this isn't the Nicole we know like or you're getting drunk and getting high and yeah, I specifically had a burden for my sister who was living that same lifestyle that I had been living for years.
And she eventually got to a point where her heart was ready and soft and she said, I'm ready.
I want to hear what the Bible has to say. And now my sister has a relationship with the Lord and our friends have a relationship with the Lord. And my sisters experience healing and our friends have experience healing.
So it's funny that, yeah, I'm here and that is because God is good. And I've learned that God didn't send Jesus for the healthy, but He sent Jesus for the sick to heal and to save us and, and yeah, so I'm here to share that it doesn't matter what you've done in your life, bad decisions you've made or whatever suffering you've experienced, like God wants to heal you and all you have to do is reach out to him.
He's right there for you and he wants to give you good things. And yeah, now I'm happily married to a stable man, have a healthy family, have a son. Another one on the way. Yeah. It's just a testament to God's goodness and that it is possible to start in a very low place and to come out on the other side for blessings.